Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
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