Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
operation have a gay friend backfired
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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