I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Randomize
