I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
