well I can't set my house on fire every night
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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