So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Randomize
