He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
