hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
They are going to name an STD after you.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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