A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Randomize
