even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Randomize
