I skipped work to stalk him.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
