So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
