i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
