I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
