was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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