You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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