You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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