May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
