I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
