Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Randomize
