I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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