don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
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