I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize