Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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