it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
