I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Randomize
