If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
