i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
be right there i have to get my cape
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
