I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
