I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
