My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Randomize
