Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
