Sry I called you an 8
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
