i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Randomize
