Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
