Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
