if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
