You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
