I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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