There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
