I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
