so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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