you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I have tasted many bathrooms
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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