I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I'm sobbing to NWA
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Randomize
