A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
