On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Randomize
