I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize