they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Randomize
