She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
