I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
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