Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
