Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Randomize
