She is in my trunk
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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