Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Randomize
