people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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