it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
