It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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