thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
