you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
