There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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