You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize