Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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