I could make wine with my vomit
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
