Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
