You're a womanizer and a bitch.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Randomize
