I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
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