If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
