dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize