left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
ok first of all what the fuck
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
