Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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