i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
