He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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