thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Randomize
