I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I just cut my nipple shaving
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
