so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Everything about him screamed your future.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
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