I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
