Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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