vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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