Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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