shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
