I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
