Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
