Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
