While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
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