Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Randomize
