I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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