That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
You dont lie about slip and slides
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize