Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
He passed out mid-signature
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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