i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
