the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
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