I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
