Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
