Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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