so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Randomize
