I think I just saw someone hide a body.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
