I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
