I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
