my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
