I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Randomize