It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
