no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
My life is pants optional.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
