i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
She told me I should be a condom model.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
