I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Randomize
